The Secrets Behind Hot Scenes: An Intimacy Coordinator Spills the Tea

What really happens behind the scenes of sex scenes in Hollywood? This week on Slut in Training, we sit down with Los Angeles–based Intimacy Coordinator Olivia Ku to break down how your favorite on-screen hookups are choreographed, negotiated, and safely executed.

From working with actors on set to navigating consent, boundaries, and communication, Olivia shares how she got started after witnessing a lack of preparation for intimate scenes early in her acting career—and how that led her to support performers through trauma-informed practices and professional intimacy coordination.

We get into the full process of filming a “steamy” scene, what’s actually in an intimacy kit, how modesty garments and barriers work, and the surprising (and sometimes ridiculous) realities of choreographing everything from kissing rules (tongue or no tongue) to simulated sex scenes.

We also talk about:

• The rise of vertical dramas and short-form romance content
• Common misconceptions about intimacy coordinators (hint: not the “sex police”)
• The most awkward, unsexy, and bizarre moments on set
• How directors, actors, and coordinators collaborate
• And how to bring cinematic-level communication and consent into your own sex life

If you’ve ever wondered how actors film sex scenes, what goes into intimacy coordination, or how to create better communication and chemistry in relationships—this episode pulls back the curtain in the most entertaining way possible.

Enjoy!

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Timestamps - Episode Highlights
0:00 – Welcome to the show: Slutty word of the episode – Tallahassee Night Train
2:06 – Olivia Ku introduction – Los Angeles based Intimacy Coordinator
3:46 – How Olivia got started:
- A young actor on TNT - “1000 Ways to Die” – asked to make out in a scene
without any advance discussion
- Social media influencer in health and wellness space
- Supporting survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault
6:33 – A lot of BDSM stories are happening now in the vertical world
7:53 – SAG has a list of accredited Intimacy Coordinating training organizations
8:04 – What is it like to be on set for a very steaming scene?
9:35 – Olivia can’t tell actors what they need – she’s here to listen to what each actor needs
10:40 – Olivia’s involvement also depends on the Director’s approach
11:53 – What’s in a full intimacy kit!
12:09 – What goes into the process of creating an intimacy scene
15:20 – Verticals – 60 second Soap-opera like dramas to watch on your cell phone
17:26 – Tell us about Modesty Garments
19:10 – Weirdest object Olivia used on set as a modesty barrier
20:28 – Do actors ever get too into the role? Tongue versus no tongue kissing!
22:41 – Have you ever had to coach a sex scene that was painfully unsexy?
24:16 – Most ridiculous locations - from mansions to up against a bookshelf
25:48 – Awkwardness of choreographing simulated Oral Sex scenes
27:45 – Best choreographed oral sex scene – Bridgerton
27:53 – Favorite intimacy sex scene in a movie – Titanic
30:29 – Olivia would love to do more work in the Young Adult space and why!
33:33 – What actors should know before they start filming a sex or intimacy scene
35:32 – Common misconceptions about intimacy coordinators:
- Not the sex police OR HR!
- She is there for everyone – not just the lead actors
- Specific in